Should I even try to get him back if I cheated?

Well this might be a long detailed question but stick with me because I'm really stuck in this situation. So this past chirstmas break I went on a vacation to my home town like I do every other year & for the past 4 years there's this guy who I "hook up" with atleast that how I see it even tho whenever we get together there's this connection & it just feels right but I always seem to doubt he's feelings(I think every girl out there who's gotten hurt doubts every guy) atleast that's my case. Well ok 2 years ago when we were hooking up one of he's cousins was trying to get with me too & I went along with it just because I'm a butch like that I guess he didn't end up finding out & once I came back home he txt me acouple times & we talked about are feelings for eachother I went 2 years without going back & we lost contact but I'd randomly think of him think of "us" & just miss him. I'd randomly ask my cousin about him & shed tell me about he's life/ how he was doing he'd been single all that time. Then this past Christmas I went back I didn't think much of getting back since I thought it wouldn't be worth it but once I saw him again all the feelings cane back, he'd see me & talk to me but I'd kind of ignore him & be rude. Till I'd led to us seeing ileachother & hooking up again but this time it was doffrent I'd fell different when I'd talk about leaving I'd get emotional I didn't want to leave him, we talked about him moving back with me or me staying idk I'f he or I were seriouse but we'd always come to the conclusion of waiting till the end of this year & if we hadn't found someone then we were ment to be & id move down there. One he's cousin came back in the picture & one day I got drunk with him & one thing led to another The guy I liked ended up finding out & once I got back I txted him & he pretty much threw everything in my face saying he couldn't belive I did that me knowing how he felt I havnt talked to him since but I miss him. Should I try & get him back?